Disconnection Notice

My father did not tell me how to live.  He lived, and let me watch him do it.  

-Clarence Budington Kelland

Tristan and I went to the park today; and, as is our custom, we were loud and rambunctious.  Either he was chasing me madly about in a game of parkour-lite, or we were swinging and being silly and practicing our numbers (his French is a little rusty, his Chinese is timid, his Spanish has gusto, and English just isn't interesting enough to be bothered with at the park).  And all the while, often times almost seeming to hover nearby, there was this girl.

She was probably somewhere between 5 and 8 which is a broad guess because I'm no good at guessing anybody's age.  I don't understand how some people can come up to Tristan and I and say things like, "Oh you must have been born in July two and half years ago. You talk so well for your age!" and I'm looking at their kid thinking, Well....you're not old enough to drive but you are walking so that makes you...............a kid. 

Asides aside (for now) though, I watched this girl and her mother arrive.  The girl headed into the playground with no real direction in mind and the mom bee-lined for a park bench and pulled out her smart-phone.  Now this is a behavior I've grown accustomed to seeing from a generalized personality type one could refer to as causcastic refuse--the perpetrators of which then typically proceed to loudly and publicly swear and yell and disclose all of their current personal relationship problems while their children--seemingly oblivious--play as children do.  Today stuck out to me because the mother was middle to upper middle class, and the daughter wanted nothing more than to play with somebody to which mom seemed totally unaware.

I saw the girl watching us often.  I saw her laughing at the goofy things Tristan and I would come up with for games to play.  I saw her wearing that timid "I'd really like to ask if I could join you but I'm too afraid for one reason or another" expression that I know crosses my face often.  I saw her imitate some of the games we were playing as best she could on her own and choose to play on different parts of the park after watching Tristan and I on them.  Finally after 20 minutes I saw her go over to her mom and ask her for a push on the swings.  Mom said yes and accompanied her daughter over, pushed her a couple of times, and then was totally lost to the phone again.  One should not be able to read any degree of loneliness on the face of a child who's at the park with her parent nor see a stoic resignation to the fact that that's the way life is.

Seriously, people....  Put down the phone!  Turn off the electronics!  And look--really look--at who's in front of you.

We have become a culture so connected to the gadgets we've created to "make life better" that we've disconnected from each other to a frightening degree.  And our children are watching us.  They are learning from us.  They are learning to value things over people; manufactured schedules over natural rhythms.  Is it any wonder that so many people are seeing shrinks and/or are on medication?

It is the human condition to scream out for companionship, togetherness, for touch and talk and laughter and smiles.  It is as natural as breathing to want to share our experiences with others.  Why else would things like Facebook have become so popular?  But we must remember that the important things in life are in the here and now, are in flesh and blood standing in front of us.   Whether friends or family or strangers, these are the people we can really touch, whose lives we can influence for good or otherwise.

I know I'm not the most social person in the world.  I struggle around people (in a broad and public sense) most of the time, but I'm trying and I'm working on my issues and I'm pushing through my fears.  In part because I want to grow as a person, but in major fact because I want my son to grow up into a loving and caring person.  I want him to value people first and everything else after.  And after today I'm going to work harder to teach him to reach out and invite others in, that sharing means more fun and not less stuff.  I'm going to try to teach him that people aren't scary (in general of course) and that the simplest and seemingly most inconsequential act of friendship might be something that turns someone else's day from "This sucks." to "That was fun!".

And of course, I'm probably going to continue teaching him that vacuuming can wait, dishes can be done later, and clean laundry really isn't going anywhere.  And, after today, we're also going to work on identifying the differences between stones and scat and that one them--and ONLY ONE of them--is acceptable to pick up to show Daddy....